By: Shreya Joshi & Isacc Keopaseuth "LOVE IS NOT PAIN. LOVE IS NOT MEANT TO HURT YOU, IT IS MEANT TO HELP YOU GROW. LOVE IS NOT MEANT TO BRING YOU DOWN, IT IS MEANT TO LIFT YOU UP...DO NOT MISTAKE LOVE FOR HATE." - Bridestory February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month (TDVAM). Designated in 2011, this is a time to focus on intimate partner violence (IPV) that youth face. Oftentimes, the lines surrounding what counts as violence can be blurred. Violence is more than just physical touch as it can take the form of unwanted sexual behavior, manipulation, controlling behavior, stalking and more (CDC)1. TDV affects more people than we think. According to the CDC, 1 in 12 youth experience physical and/or sexual violence. Girls and LGBTQ+ youth face even higher rates of TDV. Victims and survivors suffer in school, become isolated and are more likely to experience IPV when they’re older. TDV is complex as it can involve youth who have little experience, lack of resources and online content as the representation/guide for relationships. Unfortunately, the definitions of love, romance, and violence can become warped when violence is romanticized in the content we consume. This can impact AAPI youth in particular because dating is seen as a taboo topic. When there is a lack of conversation about dating and TDV, teens may turn to the internet for questions or confirmation. With social media platforms such as Tiktok and Instagram, it's common to see posts discussing what the “perfect” relationship is or fuel a narrative that toxic relationships are love. Popular TV shows like Euphoria appeal to younger audiences. The show touches on toxic relationships, often triggering visceral responses from their viewers. Examples include overt physical violence between Nate and Maddy, a glaring age gap between Jules and Nate’s father, and other forms of toxicity like control, forced drug use and sexual violence. While this can open the door to discuss TDV, it can also contribute to the idea that TDV is purely physical and a normal part of relationships. We’re fed warped versions of IPV outside of TV shows as well. For example, celebrity relationships like Kanye West and Kim Kardashian. Kim stayed with Kanye for years, with the public dismissing her concerns in response to situations and behaviors she described as toxic. Incidents of Kanye stalking and verbal abuse was often praised by fans because he was “fighting for his family”. Partners can feel pressured to overlook violent behavior in order to make the relationship work. Pop culture displays other forms of IPV. In 2022, Singer MGK proposed to actress Megan Fox with an engagement ring with thorns lining the inside designed to hurt when removed. Fox has said that this ring represented the idea that love is pain. Glamorizing forms of IPV can cause teens to become desensitized which makes it harder for them to recognize the signs. Violence in social media and other media platforms can be ignored as it presents differently than other forms of TDVM. Digital violence encompasses control of social media accounts, coercing and posting pictures –both sexual and not sexual in nature–without consent, and using social media to stalk partners. According to Futures without Violence, teens who experience digital violence are also more likely to experience physical violence. Despite all this research, TDV continues to go unreported for many reasons. Teens may be unsure of experiences that may be considered violent. They may also have fears of being dismissed or not believed. These fears and experiences can lead to isolation and teens not reporting. There are ways for teens to better understand the different elements of TDV and change the narrative often shown in pop culture.
Resources:
Resources for Victims of Teen Dating Violence | Youth.gov This website offers resources such as the national domestic violence hotline, organizations that discuss healthy relationships and more) Resources - Teen Dating Violence Awareness (teendvmonth.org) This website provides more information on intersectional organizations for LGBTQIA+ individuals, as well as POC. Monsoon Asians & Pacific Islanders in Solidarity - Violence Prevention Program (weebly.com) Monsoon is an organization that serves AAPI communities in the State of Iowa who are individuals experiencing gender-based violence. *It’s important to keep in mind that some hotlines/resources may send law enforcement/other emergency personnel or are required to report incidents. - Sources: 1) Fast Facts: Preventing Teen Dating Violence, National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Division of Violence Prevention, February 28th, 2022. 2) More Than a Quarter of Teens in a Relationship Report Digital Abuse, Futures Without Violence.
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February 2023
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