By: Shreya Joshi the perfect futurePeople say every school year is stressful but senior year feels like a special process. There’s a lot of pressure to figure out your perfect future and it seems like everybody already has–that you’re alone in being uncertain. In addition to uncertainty regarding college or scholarship applications, there’s also keeping grades up, participating in extracurriculars and working a part or full time job. One feels like they need to be perfect at everything which leaves one feeling like they’re perfect at nothing. The pressure to be perfect is immense. Despite its vast impact, it can be boiled down to expectations. Expectations from parents, from society or from ourselves; Expectations lead us to question every decision we make. Are we applying to enough scholarships or colleges? Are our grades good enough? Why didn’t we participate in more extracurriculars? We lament and worry about all the things we could be doing and should be doing to be the perfect candidate. But the perfect candidate doesn’t actually exist. are we "good enough"?Perfectionism is a construct that we’ve created, it derives us from a sense of superiority–often white superiority because that’s what sets the standard for what is “good enough”. This culture of perfection harms marginalized individuals through imposter syndrome (not feeling good enough in comparison), having to go twice the length of their white counterparts to avoid being criticized, and perpetuating the model minority myth. The idea that by virtue of being Asian, we have straight A’s and will get into an Ivy. This makes Asian youth believe that anything less than means they’ve failed. We think our identity is in our achievements so when we don’t know if we will be selected or accepted– it’s stressful. Nobody feels comfortable admitting that though, so we feel isolated on our island of self-doubt. Our self-doubt is so ingrained that we are conditioned to believe we will fail. Failure isn’t an option though, so we overwork ourselves. "eventually, on our isolated islands, the stress builds until it feels like we're the only ones drowning."We normalize a culture where people compete to see how many classes they can take, how late they can stay up and how many different colleges they can apply to (backups are a must). Taking a break from the cycle is seen as unproductive and not competing on the same level is seen as weak. Ignoring our current obligations, we don’t make time for ourselves. Caring for both our physical and mental health becomes our last priority because we think we can do it later–this assignment or application is more important. We always find something more important. Eventually, on our isolated islands, the stress builds until it feels like we’re the only ones drowning. If we were to take a step back, we’d see so many islands they’d blur together. Everybody is stressed in some form or the other. Everybody experiences self-doubt. And everybody overworks themselves. While these feelings might never go away, we need to figure out how to process them. There are many mechanisms we could explore but the first thing we need to do is set boundaries for ourselves. We might have ten scholarships to apply to or twenty assignments to finish but we need to limit ourselves so we don’t burn out. If one feels like they’re spiraling, it’s okay to take a breath. It’s even okay to take a day off. If we are willing to tell someone else they could use a break, we need to be willing to tell ourselves that too. take a breath, and trust the processRight now, the island of senior and/or junior year feels vast. It’s hard to trust the process, hard to feel anything but isolated and hard to think that our future isn’t determined by acceptances or lack thereof. We aren’t alone though and our future doesn’t depend on where we go to college. If we put in effort, we should be able to trust that things will work out but it’s much easier said than done. What we can do is make time for ourselves by celebrating the small victories. A concert, a game, a small scholarship, etc. should be celebrated because the little things matter too. Our identity should not have to be based on our achievements nor should we have to live in perpetual stress. Everything is a process, including senior and junior year and how much weight we give it, is up to us
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Year ARchive
February 2023
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